My heart hurts as it struggles against my love for the LORD and my love for self. My desire to please my idol is strong but my need to follow Christ is crushing. God takes my breath away. The Holy Spirit pulls and pushes stronger than gravity. My knees break in His presence. What you have is temporally pleasing as it feeds my dying flesh. The world judges my character based on imperfections alone. Through its eyes, its sees no hope and no solution apart from more sin. It tells me that I should walk in my desires and feed the flesh. The world be littles the Lord’s holiness based on his dealings with sinners. Its priests and prophets urge me to be a better me. But how do you fix an eternal flaw with finite remedies? My heart reaches beyond here, pass its illusions grasping for something solid. My fingers swipe through blurry crowns seeing 1 and never getting there. Without the crossbeam I’m forever hopeless because my arms are to short, always missing the mark.
2 Corinthians 13:5-10
5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? unless indeed you fail to meet the test! 6 I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test. 7 But we pray to God that you may not do wrong not that we may appear to have met the test, but that you may do what is right, though we may seem to have failed. 8 For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth. 9 For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. Your restoration is what we pray for. 10 For this reason I write these things while I am away from you, that when I come I may not have to be severe in my use of the authority that the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down.